I finished the canning for the day at 8:53 PM, yes I am tired. I decided to call my grandmother as she would get excited over all I got done - would be proud and would really let me know it. And after that I would call mom - she would fake being excited about it. I would wonder what she really thought. Then I realized they are both gone; Grand went in the early 80s and mom the late 1990s. What was I thinking? I hadn't ever thought about this, not once, since they died. And I know I haven't cried yet and doubt I ever will unless it's for the loss in general. Mom was the Prince song "When doves cry" beginning to end - maybe I'm just like my mother, she's never satisfied. I don't see me much like her. I praised my kids for everything they accomplished no matter how small it was, I tried to be supportive in all they wanted to do and the fantastic things they have done. Not that easy for a kid of 18 to do when he is handed his 2 kids and told to raise them and I did, alone and with no assistance, nothing. I worked 3 jobs and put myself thru college to make a better life for us and our lives were pretty _ _ _ _ nice. Maybe I was looking for that returned love from them and it was returned 3x's in fold. I miss those days, I miss being young and not knowing what was happening around me. Now, I am getting older daily and it is taking it's tole on me and ya know what? Except for the aches and pains, the inconveniences of health issues it's been a really good road and I am happy having white hair, using a cane a lot! and I love senior discounts. Do it over? This life? Sure, it's worked well for me and if it ends what I will be sorry about is missing so many people and how their lives travel the road.
Want to do something for an old fart? Once in a while tell me about your road and give me a hug or 2, there are never enough hugs.
April 12, 2017
1 week ago