Friday, March 23, 2012

Here yesterday and gone today

So much has happen since June, but I doubt anyone read that and I doubt this one will be read either. Everyone has their lives to live and must do so.

Since June I lost my home and my car and not because I was lax or anything like it. They were taken from me. The end of April we are moving to a tiny place that Scott loves and I don't. I don't want to be there and I will be more a prisioner than I am now. Definately not doing my life my way. Several people say leave, don't put up with it. Trust me that was my reaction for a long time, but HOW? It's not that easy, I don't have any savings cause each time I did something came up. I don't get enough money to live on unless I went to a nursing home. Did I mention that to do this"move" that I - ME has to give up 3/4 of my things including things that were my great grandmother's things in the 1800s. Seemed like every item I said I was keeping was a fight.

I thought I had made friends in the World of Rabbits, wrong thinking - turns out that at a show earlier this month I was a choice topic of evil doings and lack or quality in my herd. Bull, my rabbits did well and were great producers. And I gave over and over of myself to these people, I promise you that it will never happen again.

Another person has slammed my knowledge of horse things. Oh, that didn't travel well. I have 58 years of breeding, raising, showing, and WINNING on a National level.

During my life I have raised and raced shed teams, had a dairy farm, goat dairy too, raised most every animal I could, homesteaded and farmed from small to big and I learned alot. I made and canned my first jams at 6 years old, same year I did pickles and later I baked and sold that product in greade school. So stop treating me like an idiot because I am old.

Yes, onething good did happen, but not without a price - wasn't spoken to for days, constant put downs of myself. I got a puppy. God, I must be evil to be tired of spending 20 hours a day alone. I got a 8 week old Chihuahua, she is a real love and became devoted to me very fast. She is so much like her that I have call her Peacer several time which leads to some tears.

Then there is the on going heath issues. None seem to be getting better and pain levels have increased. I have been offered morphine for the pain, so far I have been able to say no. Don't want to go that way again, the old days weren't good in that department.

The last 4 days have been spent trying to sleep sitting up because I got a cold. Now there is rattles when I cough, which isn't that good a thing, but right now I can't even get to the doctors.

So where do I go from here? Wish I knew.